Joe must be pretty ripped, y'know.
Christmas with the Fuzz
Mrs. Joe: Gracious goodness gracious me, what’s gone—with the—pie!
Sergeant: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, but as I have mentioned at the door to this smart young 53shaver, I am on a chase in the name of the king, and I want the blacksmith.
Mrs. Joe: And pray what might you want with him?
Sergeant: Missis, speaking for myself, I should reply, the honour and pleasure of his fine wife's acquaintance; speaking for the king, I answer, a little job done.
Uncle Pumblechook: Good again!
Sergeant: You see, blacksmith, we have had an accident with these [handhuffs], and I find the lock of one of 'em goes wrong, and the coupling don't act pretty. As they are wanted for immediate service, will you throw your eye over them?
Joe: [It will take near to two hours than one.]
Sergeant: Will it? Then will you set about it at once, blacksmith? As it's on his Majesty's service. And if my men can beat a hand anywhere, they'll make themselves useful.
54Sergeant: Would you give me the time?
Uncle Pumblechook: It’s just gone half-past two.
Sergeant: That's not so bad, even if I was forced to halt here nigh two hours, that'll do. How far might you call yourselves from the marshes, hereabouts? Not above a mile, I reckon?
Joe: Just a mile.
Sergeant: That'll do. We begin to close in upon 'em about dusk. A little before dusk, my orders are. That'll do.
Mr. Wopsle: Convicts, sergeant?
Sergeant: Ay! Two. They're pretty well known to be out on the marshes still, and they won't try to get clear of 'em before dusk. Anybody here seen anything of any such game? Well! They'll find themselves trapped in a circle, I expect, sooner than they count on. 55Now, blacksmith! If you're ready, his Majesty the King is.
Mrs. Joe offers beer to the officers and invites the sergeant to a glass of brandy.
Uncle Pumblechook: Give him wine, Mum. I’ll engage there’s no Tar in that. Good stuff, eh, sergeant?
Sergeant: I'll tell you something," returned the sergeant; "I suspect that stuff's of your providing.
Uncle Pumblechook: Ay, ay? Why?
Sergeant: Because you’re a man that knows what’s what.
Uncle Pumblechook: D’ye think so? Have another glass!
56Sergeant: With you. Hob and nob. The top of mine to the foot of yours - the foot of yours to the top of mine - Ring once, ring twice - the best tune on the Musical Glasses! Your health. May you live a thousand years, and never be a worse judge of the right sort than you are at the present moment of your life!
They all drink in celebration and talk of capturing the convicts. 57Joe finishes his work and asks to watch the capture. The policemen agree and Pip and Mr. Wopsle also come.
Mrs. Joe: If you bring the boy back with his head blown to bits by a musket, don't look to me to put it together again.
They leave and go out on the marshes
Pip: I hope, Joe, we shan’t find them.
Joe: I’d give a shilling if they had cut and run, Pip.
58They continue through the marsh, while Pip wonders what will become of him. Pip rides on Joe’s back, all Joe says about the journey is that it’s “a winder.”They hear voices and run to the convicts.
60Man 1: Murder!
Man 2: Convicts! Runaways! Guard! This way for the runaway convicts!
They find the convicts fighting
Sergeant: Here are both men! Surrender, you two! And confound you for two wild beasts! Come asunder!
61Convict: Mind! I took him! I give him up to you! Mind that!
Sergeant: It's not much to be particular about. It'll do you small good, my man, being in the same plight yourself. Handcuffs there!
Convict: I don't expect it to do me any good. I don't want it to do me more good than it does now. I took him. He knows it. That's enough for me.
Second Convict: Take notice, guard—he tried to murder me.
Convict: Tried to murder him? Try, and not do it? I took him, and giv' him up; that's what I done. I not only prevented him getting off the marshes, but I dragged him here - dragged him this far on his way back. He's a gentleman, if you please, this villain. 62Now, the Hulks has got its gentleman again, through me. Murder him? Worth my while, too, to murder him, when I could do worse and drag him back!
Second Convict: He tried—he tried—to—murder me. Bear—bear witness.
Convict: Lookee here! Single-handed I got clear of the prison-ship; I made a dash and I done it. I could ha' got clear of these death-cold flats likewise - look at my leg: you won't find much iron on it - if I hadn't made the discovery that he was here. Let him go free? Let him profit by the means as I found out? Let him make a tool of me afresh and again? Once more? No, no, no. If I had died at the bottom there; I'd have held to him with that grip, that you should have been safe to find him in my hold.
Second Convict: He tried to murder me. I should have been a dead man if you had not come up.
Convict: He lies! He's a liar born, and he'll die a liar. Look at his face; ain't it written there? Let him turn those eyes of his on me. I defy him to do it.
Second convicts looks everywhere but at the first
63Convict: Do you see him? Do you see what a villain he is? Do you see those grovelling and wandering eyes? That's how he looked when we were tried together. He never looked at me.
Second Convict: You are not much to look at. Didn’t I tell you, that he would murder me, if he could?
Sergeant: Enough of this parley, light those torches.
64Torches are lit and they start walking to the sea.
Sergeant: All right, march. (To convict) You are expected on board, they know you are coming. Don’t straggle, my man. Close up here.
65They reach the dock.
Convict: I wish to say something respecting this escape. It may prevent some persons laying under suspicion alonger me.
66Sergeant: You can say what you like, but you have no call to say it here. You'll have opportunity enough to say about it, and hear about it, before it's done with, you know.
Convict: I know, but this is another pint, a separate matter. A man can't starve; at least I can't. I took some wittles, up at the willage over yonder - where the church stands a'most out on the marshes.
Sergeant: You mean stole.
Convict: And I’ll tell you where from. From the blacksmith’s.
Sergeant: Halloa!
Joe: Halloa, Pip!
Convict: It was some broken wittles - that's what it was - and a dram of liquor, and a pie.
Sergeant: Have you happened to miss such an article as a pie, blacksmith?
Joe: My wife did, at the very moment when you came in. Don't you know, Pip?
Convict: So, so you're the blacksmith, are you? Then I'm sorry to say, I've eat your pie.
Joe: God knows you're welcome to it - so far as it was ever mine. We don't know what you have done, but we wouldn't have you starved to death for it, poor miserable fellow-creatur. - Would us, Pip?
67The convicts board the rowboats.
Jailer: Give way, you!
The boats depart to the Hulks, which disappear.
Sergeant: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, but as I have mentioned at the door to this smart young 53shaver, I am on a chase in the name of the king, and I want the blacksmith.
Mrs. Joe: And pray what might you want with him?
Sergeant: Missis, speaking for myself, I should reply, the honour and pleasure of his fine wife's acquaintance; speaking for the king, I answer, a little job done.
Uncle Pumblechook: Good again!
Sergeant: You see, blacksmith, we have had an accident with these [handhuffs], and I find the lock of one of 'em goes wrong, and the coupling don't act pretty. As they are wanted for immediate service, will you throw your eye over them?
Joe: [It will take near to two hours than one.]
Sergeant: Will it? Then will you set about it at once, blacksmith? As it's on his Majesty's service. And if my men can beat a hand anywhere, they'll make themselves useful.
54Sergeant: Would you give me the time?
Uncle Pumblechook: It’s just gone half-past two.
Sergeant: That's not so bad, even if I was forced to halt here nigh two hours, that'll do. How far might you call yourselves from the marshes, hereabouts? Not above a mile, I reckon?
Joe: Just a mile.
Sergeant: That'll do. We begin to close in upon 'em about dusk. A little before dusk, my orders are. That'll do.
Mr. Wopsle: Convicts, sergeant?
Sergeant: Ay! Two. They're pretty well known to be out on the marshes still, and they won't try to get clear of 'em before dusk. Anybody here seen anything of any such game? Well! They'll find themselves trapped in a circle, I expect, sooner than they count on. 55Now, blacksmith! If you're ready, his Majesty the King is.
Mrs. Joe offers beer to the officers and invites the sergeant to a glass of brandy.
Uncle Pumblechook: Give him wine, Mum. I’ll engage there’s no Tar in that. Good stuff, eh, sergeant?
Sergeant: I'll tell you something," returned the sergeant; "I suspect that stuff's of your providing.
Uncle Pumblechook: Ay, ay? Why?
Sergeant: Because you’re a man that knows what’s what.
Uncle Pumblechook: D’ye think so? Have another glass!
56Sergeant: With you. Hob and nob. The top of mine to the foot of yours - the foot of yours to the top of mine - Ring once, ring twice - the best tune on the Musical Glasses! Your health. May you live a thousand years, and never be a worse judge of the right sort than you are at the present moment of your life!
They all drink in celebration and talk of capturing the convicts. 57Joe finishes his work and asks to watch the capture. The policemen agree and Pip and Mr. Wopsle also come.
Mrs. Joe: If you bring the boy back with his head blown to bits by a musket, don't look to me to put it together again.
They leave and go out on the marshes
Pip: I hope, Joe, we shan’t find them.
Joe: I’d give a shilling if they had cut and run, Pip.
58They continue through the marsh, while Pip wonders what will become of him. Pip rides on Joe’s back, all Joe says about the journey is that it’s “a winder.”They hear voices and run to the convicts.
60Man 1: Murder!
Man 2: Convicts! Runaways! Guard! This way for the runaway convicts!
They find the convicts fighting
Sergeant: Here are both men! Surrender, you two! And confound you for two wild beasts! Come asunder!
61Convict: Mind! I took him! I give him up to you! Mind that!
Sergeant: It's not much to be particular about. It'll do you small good, my man, being in the same plight yourself. Handcuffs there!
Convict: I don't expect it to do me any good. I don't want it to do me more good than it does now. I took him. He knows it. That's enough for me.
Second Convict: Take notice, guard—he tried to murder me.
Convict: Tried to murder him? Try, and not do it? I took him, and giv' him up; that's what I done. I not only prevented him getting off the marshes, but I dragged him here - dragged him this far on his way back. He's a gentleman, if you please, this villain. 62Now, the Hulks has got its gentleman again, through me. Murder him? Worth my while, too, to murder him, when I could do worse and drag him back!
Second Convict: He tried—he tried—to—murder me. Bear—bear witness.
Convict: Lookee here! Single-handed I got clear of the prison-ship; I made a dash and I done it. I could ha' got clear of these death-cold flats likewise - look at my leg: you won't find much iron on it - if I hadn't made the discovery that he was here. Let him go free? Let him profit by the means as I found out? Let him make a tool of me afresh and again? Once more? No, no, no. If I had died at the bottom there; I'd have held to him with that grip, that you should have been safe to find him in my hold.
Second Convict: He tried to murder me. I should have been a dead man if you had not come up.
Convict: He lies! He's a liar born, and he'll die a liar. Look at his face; ain't it written there? Let him turn those eyes of his on me. I defy him to do it.
Second convicts looks everywhere but at the first
63Convict: Do you see him? Do you see what a villain he is? Do you see those grovelling and wandering eyes? That's how he looked when we were tried together. He never looked at me.
Second Convict: You are not much to look at. Didn’t I tell you, that he would murder me, if he could?
Sergeant: Enough of this parley, light those torches.
64Torches are lit and they start walking to the sea.
Sergeant: All right, march. (To convict) You are expected on board, they know you are coming. Don’t straggle, my man. Close up here.
65They reach the dock.
Convict: I wish to say something respecting this escape. It may prevent some persons laying under suspicion alonger me.
66Sergeant: You can say what you like, but you have no call to say it here. You'll have opportunity enough to say about it, and hear about it, before it's done with, you know.
Convict: I know, but this is another pint, a separate matter. A man can't starve; at least I can't. I took some wittles, up at the willage over yonder - where the church stands a'most out on the marshes.
Sergeant: You mean stole.
Convict: And I’ll tell you where from. From the blacksmith’s.
Sergeant: Halloa!
Joe: Halloa, Pip!
Convict: It was some broken wittles - that's what it was - and a dram of liquor, and a pie.
Sergeant: Have you happened to miss such an article as a pie, blacksmith?
Joe: My wife did, at the very moment when you came in. Don't you know, Pip?
Convict: So, so you're the blacksmith, are you? Then I'm sorry to say, I've eat your pie.
Joe: God knows you're welcome to it - so far as it was ever mine. We don't know what you have done, but we wouldn't have you starved to death for it, poor miserable fellow-creatur. - Would us, Pip?
67The convicts board the rowboats.
Jailer: Give way, you!
The boats depart to the Hulks, which disappear.
